I am sorry the following information is getting to you so late. I wanted you to have websites where you can obtain information on this subject of toxic friendship/relationship. The more you know means the better prepared you are in this area. It will help you recognize the signs, and help you deal with the issues. The information presented on these websites will also guide you in how to end such a relationship/friendship. I personally believe that everything that we set out to do should be started with prayer. If we seek the Mind of God, we will walk into the situation with the wisdom of God and the Spirit of the Holy Spirit, then we will never go wrong.
Sometimes in our lives, we have to make choices. Choices that are very difficult. In fact, to us it feels like we are cutting off our right arm. That is how I felt about a certain relationship. I had become so entangled in that relationship that I had lost myself. I no longer knew who I was. I had become this other person. Oh, do not get me wrong. I remembered the things that I personally enjoyed, but I had no time to do them. I loved to read books, and do research online about the Bible. I loved studying history—especially about European countries. Unfortunately, I did not have the time. I I loved to paint, but where could I find the time.? I was consumed with this thing—this relationship. This “thing” that moved from friendship to counseling to moaning to heavy load…to dread…to wanting to hide in my room and not come out! I did not want to talk to anyone. Tears were my words instead of laughter and enjoyment. My face showed my inner sorrow and agony. Everybody but me saw what I was going through. People waited wondering how much longer I would take it before I splattered the walls of the halls with agony and pain. One day it began to happen, and try as I might I could not be the brave soldier I had put on for years to be. I lost control of it all as it all came flowing out of me like Niagara Falls. People were not surprised, but I was when I found out that I had their support.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was finished. I was at the end of my rope. Do you get what I mean? Have you been there? Do you know what I mean? Do you really know what I mean? If you do not, I understand. Let me explain it to you. It is a deep dark place where you wake up one day wondering how you got there. You want to know how you get out of this deep dark STINKING HOLE OF A PLACE!!! Is there any hope at all? Does anybody hear me at all in this DEEP DARK LONELY PLACE!!! Can you hear me calling? Does anybody care at all… Whew!
I needed help, and I needed help fast. Where could I go? Who could I turn to and unload this heavy burden to? Who could I bear my very soul to? I was not the kind of person to trust anybody with myself–that is my inner self to. You see I do not want to get hurt. I am already hurt. I do not want to bear hurt on top of hurt. I am already bleeding all over the place. I am hemorraging profusely. I do not need kind words of sympathy or empathy! I need a surgeon, and just any surgeon. I need a specialist in the field of emotional healing. By the way, do you know of one who specializes in this field? It is a very specialized field, and there aren’t many doctors who have studied in this field. In fact, I don’t even know if I can pay their fee.
Then one day I met this woman who was temping while a woman was having her baby. She said something that made me think abou my “friendship” with this individual. I did something that I had never done before. I wrote it down in my diary on my computer. I read it and pondered it almost everyday, and prayed about it too. Funny thing is now that I’m free from that toxic relationship, I have forgotten the security code for the diary. So I had to delete the diary! Isn’t that something? There was only one problem with her advice. I didn’t follow through…
I started going to a new church in Bolivia, NC. They took me in. They loved me and cared for me in a way that was amazing! I thought I was dreaming. I had never felt such love from a church like this before. I had no idea that this connection would bring the deliverance and emotional healing I needed in my life.
I became friends with one of the women from my new church. I realized how true she was, and how much she really loved me. She would stop by and bring a snack or some food. Sometimes she would call and ask if I had eaten dinner. She let me know that she was on her way with my dinner or lunch. Sometimes she would call and we would talk for almost an hour. We became very good friends. We stick closer than brothers. When I think of her, she is thinking of me. She is more than precious to me!
I shared many things with my newfound sister in Christ. I began to tell her about this “friendship.” She called one time, and I was crying. She asked what wrong, and I bore my soul to her. She started telling what I should do. I knew she was right, but in my heart and mind I did not have the strength to tear away from this toxic relationship.
Then I wept many days in the solitude of my room. Alone with Jesus. Understanding that this was a thing between Jesus and me. You see I still loved this person. Yes. I had poured my very soul into this person. I lived for that person. Toxic relationship. I had to face reality. I had to really face myself. I had to face the fact that I needed to break away in every sense of the word. What would I do with all the time that would now be free? All that I had known was this person. Whom would I eat with? Who would I have coffee with? Who would I talk to? Who would I laugh with? Who would I do anything with? Who? Who? I was like a lost puppy… I realized for three years my entire life had been centered on this person…
I found liberty by realizing who I was in Jesus Christ, and great friend in Christ Jesus. After I asked for a meeting with the person, slowly I began to find myself. Of course, I was too nervous to meet them alone. I knew I could not meet them alone. They would have out talked me because they were so self-centered. I would not have been able to say one word. They would have commandeered the entire meeting. Therefore, there was a mediator in the meeting. My sister-friend in Christ agreed with me that I should make a list of what I wanted to say in the meeting.
Well the day of the meeting came. For me it did not completely go as planned. This person let me speak up to a point. They thought we should have been able to come together alone and speak. They thought because we were Christians, that we could have handled it in that manner. No way possible because I knew this person would take over the conversation and not hear a word I was saying. That was how they were in the meeting! I ended up being so upset and frustrated because this person started saying “wait a minute.” The individual started interrupting me. I folded my notes, and left the meeting room in tears. It was the only way to save myself from getting sick.
The outcome of the meeting was good for me. It was decided that we would still be friends. We would not be BFFs (Best Friends Forever). Besides that kind of relationship would no longer be possible because that person had become engaged. I needed and wanted to be separated from them. Another thing that I got tired of was how the individual spoke to me, and how rude they were to me. Now I did not have to deal with them. Whew! I could go on, but I think I will stop here.
How am I now? I am enjoying the freedom I have in being myself. I enjoy talking and being with different people each day. If I want to be alone and do things I want to do, I have the freedom to do it. I can watch what I want to watch. Thank you Jesus! That Christian girlfriend of mine is the best friend I have ever had in years! She does not smother me. She lets me be. We encourage and pray for one another. We call one another. She is seriously concerned about me. Can you believe it? She prays that I feel better. She prays that I sleep at night. She prays when I have to go to a doctor’s appointment. She just calls to say hi! Wow! She shares with me, and I share with her. A two-way relationship. Do you see what I see? Isn’t it wonderful? God sure did come up with a great idea when He wanted us to walk along side one another. To be real and true. To carry one another’s burdens. To weep with one another. To laugh with one another. Wow! You know what? It really does work.
Check out this verse:
|Romans 12:15 (KJV)
15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
The reason I am rebloging this is because it really hit home for me. I know it will hit home for my readers. Thank you.
There’s a scene in Thornton Wilder’s play, The Angel that Troubled the Waters, that captures the essence of waiting on God to fix the broken thing, or things, in our lives.
The scene is a medical doctor that comes to the pool everyday wanting to be healed of his own depression, anxiousness, and deep sadness. Finally, the angel appears and the doctor goes to step into the water to receive his healing when the angel blocks his entrance saying, “No, step back, the healing is not for you.” The doctor pleads, “But I’ve got to get into the water. I can’t live this way!” The angel says, “No. This moment is not for you.” And he says, “But how can I live this way?”
The angel says to him, “Doctor, without your wounds, where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into…
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In the search for wanting to know whom they are, humanity seeks for guidance from anything. In an attempt to fill this hole, authors make money off this desperate need. They give their steps or methods knowing that people will buy their books. They are right. People will see the title, and run to the book registers and pay the exorbitant price for the book. They will sit down and consume the ink on the printed page in hopes that they contain the answers they are searching for. The purchaser religiously follows the directions given in the expensive manuscript. They become habitual in the desperate need to become what they think they should be. They need to know what they should be in this world, and the book they hold in their hand will give them the key. They will finally find the answer and they will be happy with themselves. All will be right with the world. On the other hand, so they think. Many, unfortunately, will be severely disappointed. They will toss the book aside or in the trash. They will visit the bookstore or another bookstore. They will look for another book purchasing it, and start the process again. The journey will begin with the same result. The cycle will be endless. They will be like Israel. Israel was in the wilderness for forty years circling and never getting anywhere. Man can never get anywhere with the guidance of another man. That other man only knows just so much. In reality, they are in the same boat circling the same mountain.
Who or what book does have the answer? Simple. The Bible. What you say? Yeah. The Bible. Give me a break you say. I am sorry my friend, but that is the truth. No. Wait a minute. I take that back. I am not sorry. You need to realize that the Bible contains the answers to life itself. How? God the Father has the answers to all things because He is all knowing. He knows the end from the beginning. He is the Alpha and the Omega. Really. I kid you not. Please do not leave me now. Stay with me a little longer. Let me prove what I am saying. Hear me out before you leave me. Okay? Then you can say hogwash if you want. That is your choice. We all are free to make our own choice. I have made my choice. Just hear me out.
Okay. In order for you to understand where I am coming from, let me tell you my story. I hope that will help you understand what I am saying. As I grew up, I found that I never fit in anywhere. I was shy for one thing. Another I just did not like some things that others my age did. I did not talk and wear clothes they did. My mother did not dress me like they did. She did not raise me to say words like they did. Even if I thought of some of the words they said, I would be embarrassed.
I was a lonely young woman. I was living during the time when the afro was in style. I had long silky hair. In an attempt to fit in, I went out and bought a black afro wig. I would wear it in an attempt to fit in. I also bought altar tops that were in fashion at the time—an attempt to fit in. I felt uncomfortable wearing it. I did it in order to “fit in.” I also started wearing “Indian” makeup in order to make myself darker because I am more on the fair skin. People did not think I was black. They thought I was Puerto Rican. I strove very hard to be black in every sense of the word.
No. I did not buy a book, per se to seek my identity. I took myself through all the above chances to fit into the world’s standards. Was I happy? No. I hated myself even more. I hated being a phony. Every day was a time of misery. I went to my doctor and feigned depression so I could get some pills. Then I would sit in my room with the door closed, take more than needed, and listen to a blues singer. She sang a song called “Good Morning Heartache. What’s New?” Yeah. That was my theme. Until I found that Jesus like me just the way I was, and I had identity in Him alone.
I am going to stop here. You see I found out that His love was real with no strings attached. I found out that He did not enslave me. His relationship with me had benefits instead of chains. His relationship broke chains of darkness and brought liberty I had never known. Oh yeah. I said I was going to stop. This time I mean it. See you soon.
Peace and blessings my friend!
Born: June 3, 1859
Died: March 12, 1947
Important in the early history of Pentecostalism
Birthplace: Menston, Yorkshire, England
Died: Glad Tidings Hall, Wakefield, Yorkshire, England
Children: George, Harold, Ernest, Seth, Alice
Apostle of Faith
He was about healing and revival.
There is an extensive biography on him located at Apostle of Faith. I want to share just a few points of interest with you here. His family was poor, and his father was a manual laborer. Smith went to work at the age of six in order to help with the income. At such a tender age, he was pulling turnips. At seven, he worked in a woolen mill twelve hours a day. Even though his parents did not have a relationship with God, he had a heart for God early in his life. While working in the fields, he would pray. His grandmother was a Christian who was a Wesleyan Methodist. She took him to services with her. During one of these meetings, a song was sung about Jesus as the lamb. Smith came to the realization of God’s love for him. On that day, he believed Christ for his salvation, and he immediately felt the desire to evangelize and led his own mother to Christ.
As time went on, Smith had various church experiences moving from an Episcopal Church to a Wesleyan Methodist Church. Then at sixteen, he became involved in the Salvation Army. He felt called to fast and pray for lost souls. He saw many people come to Christ. The Salvation Army saw a tremendous move of God in those days. They would cry out for the souls of people seeing between fifty to hundred people a week coming to Christ.
Eventually Smith met his wife Mary Jane Featherstone, known as Polly. Smith became very busy with his plumbing job, and his wife prayed for him. Polly continued to pray for him, and he came to conviction. One day while Smith was working in a town called Leeds, he heard of divine healing, and Polly was sick. They went to the meeting, and Polly was healed.
Smith struggled with the reality of his wife’s healing even though he was ill himself. He decided to give up the medicine himself and trust God.
There is a rest of faith, there is a faith that rests in confidence on God. God’s promises never fail. “…faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17). The Word of God can create a resistless faith, a faith that is never daunted, a faith that never gives up, and never fails.
The last time you and I talked, the discussion centered around how to select a book that is scripturally sound. I ended our conversation by also stating that you should also take the time to Google the author to find out the background of the individual. At that time, I dropped a phrase at the end–truth twister. Did you catch it? I will be expanding on that phrase in this conversation.
In summary, I talked about the importance of the use of proper scripture to support the presentation of information. When discussing a topic, the information should come from the Bible itself. I am not going against the use of biblical commentaries and biblical dictionaries. These can be very helpful in our study of the Word of God. There are precautions that the believer should take in using some of the commentaries in circulation today. At a later date, I will bring this to your attention.
Meat, if you are a meat-eater, can be enjoyable and good for you. The meat must be removed from the bone because the bone is not edible. In fact, even a small bone can choke you. Thanksgiving is coming up this month. On Thanksgiving Day, after the blessing, the man will stand at the head of the table and carve the great turkey. When it is all said and done, nothing will be left but the bones. The skin and meat are gone, and everybody is stuffed! Keep that image in your mind as I discuss it from a spiritual perspective.
Let’s look at some New Testament verses that talk about “doctrine” that is of man–not God. This is the “bone” that has to be tossed. Note what Jesus said to His disciples in Matthew 16:12:
Matthew 16:11 (KJV)
11 How is it that ye do not understand that I spake it not to you concerning bread, that ye should beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees?
Matthew 16:12 (KJV)
12 Then understood they how that he bade them not beware of the leaven of bread, but of the doctrine of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees.
I am using these two translations to begin our discussion on how an individual can use scripture to support their own interpretation of a topic. One of the first things that false teaching does is it brings about instability. Paul tells us that we are to be unmoveable, and always abounding in the Word of God. This cannot happen if the message that is being presented is coming from a truth twister. Note what the following verse says:
Ephesians 4:14 (KJV)
14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
Ephesians 4:14 (YLT)
14 that we may no more be babes, tossed and borne about by every wind of the teaching, in the sleight of men, in craftiness, unto the artifice of leading astray,
2 Peter 3:16 (KJV)
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
2 Peter 3:16 (NASB)
16 as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction.
Notice that the NSASB in this case uses the word “distort” when speaking of the untaught and unstable person. This same problem is apparent in their study of the rest of the Scriptures. Their lack of understanding leads to their destruction and to those who present their misunderstandings. Truth twisters. It is their purpose to lay in wait for those who are not knowledgeable in the Word of God to give them their own “interpretation” of a verse or doctrine. No wonder there are so many opinions on what one passage of scripture is saying. Everybody has their own interpretation. Let me remind you of a verse located in 2 Peter 1:16-20.
2 Peter 1:16-20 (KJV)
16 For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty.
17 For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.
18 And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount.
19 We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts:
20 Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.
When the Word of God is distorted, it is not fit to eat. This is the bones. I hope you are following what I am trying to present to you here. In order to grow physically, we are given a well-balanced diet of meat and vegetables along with a starch. Of course we also have a dessert and fruit. This how we are to eat spiritually. We have to eat a well-balanced diet of spiritual food in order to grow strong in the Lord. That means a daily diet of the Word of God. The real unwatered down Word of God. That is why you must know what the Word of God says for yourself. When you are reading a book or a post or hear someone quote a scripture, you should recognize whether the individual has said it right. Granted, we as humans are subject to mistakes, but not to the point of making a scripture say or not say what is written in the Bible. Even when you are being taught something new, you have to listen closely. Take notes and pray. When you get alone, go over your notes and ask the Holy Spirit to help you to not only understand the lesson but also to retain the lesson. Commit the Word to your heart and mind. Then you can eat the meat and throw away the bones. You will automatically know the difference because the Spirit of God will raise the red flag in your spirit when something is wrong. You won’t be able to swallow the “leaven.”
When I first got saved, my pastor taught me something that I developed into a life long habit. He said that when I wanted to purchase a book to study, it had to pass a certain test. He said to open the book, and flip through the pages. The purpose of doing this would be to see how much scripture the author is using in the text. If there is sufficient scripture seen, then the book’s information should be reliable in its teaching.
There is, of course, one other thing that I would like to point out to you when selecting reading material. Find out as much as you can about the author before you purchase the book. Let me help you understand what I mean. Since you are connected to the internet, use it to check out the authors you want to read. When I am interested in reading someone’s work, I do research on the person. I Google the person. I find out what they believe, and what they write about. That way I do not go in blind reading their work. I know what I am about to read.
My next post will discuss with you “eating the meat and throwing away the bones.” I know. You are saying “WHAT???” Stay tuned to the continuing saga of not being deceived by the truth twisters.
I have to share this because sometimes we forget what the purpose of pain is in our lives is. This says it all.
The other day, I learned the physiological mechanics of a mosquito bite.
Some of you might have seen the same animated video that I did as it makes the rounds on Facebook. I learned that it’s really all about the mosquito’s saliva (ick) – it acts as both an anesthetic and anticoagulant, allowing the female to get the blood she needs (what a wonderful provider God is!….I think…).
Then the video concluded with an interesting point: the actual swelling and itching of a mosquito bite isn’t directly caused by the saliva. It’s caused by the body’s immune response to the bite. The saliva is an allergen, which triggers antibodies to attack the foreign intrusion, and that causes the swelling and itching we’re all familiar with as we writhe around upon the grassy ground, scratching like gangbusters.
I was reminded of other bodily responses. A lot of symptoms we experience…
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Source: Jesus the Healer